You know you have a partner that is supposed to be the irreplaceable love of your life…But you find yourself enjoying another’s company…
You have found all that you are looking for in him/ her. So why then, do you laugh harder at the other’s jokes, find yourself smiling a little too widely when he/she walks in the room, dress to impress when you know you will be seeing this person at some point during the day?
Why then, do you lay with your partner, all the while fantasizing that it is the other person that you lay with? Why does the guilt plague you so much when you find your mind increasingly occupied with the other and you begin to find faults with your partner?
Maybe it is normal to have feelings for another despite being in a relationship. A little crush is harmless right?
Besides, you are not going anywhere with this. Your partner is here to stay, even if you wanted out of the relationship. It is a binding one. You tell yourself this; all the while trying to convince yourself that this consuming fire can be doused easily; that time spent with this person may not necessarily build emotions; that after all it is healthy to have such relations because your partner cannot possibly be all your friends in one person; that it will in fact positively affect what you have with your partner because you come back to your partner refreshed and ready to settle back into routine with him/her.
You begin to wonder at what point it becomes harmful… calling each other everyday is cool, it’s not like you are sleeping with the person right? Hanging out with this person is still fine, is it not? although there will be no need to tell your partner information like this; so you garnish the truth…tell them you are just hanging out with a few friends.
In fact, you have done nothing wrong. Being human, that is your crime.
Your beauty lies in your complexity…rolled together in one. You cannot explain certain feelings, try as you may. You cannot always forecast who you will find yourself increasingly drawn to; you cannot calculate every situation you might be in; so it is harder to slide out of certain situations than others.
But what you do have control over is your mind. Before it festers and becomes uncontrollable, you can draw lines, mark out boundaries, begin to reel yourself in when you feel like you are slipping. It is not always pleasant though.
Why should you stop an activity that is so pleasurable, why??? This is where commitment comes in. Someone once said that there will be days where loving your partner is a decision, not a choice that comes easily. So it is possible that you might want to throw a tantrum, even snap at your partner for reasons they know nothing about. When this happens, you slowly remind yourself that you are an adult, and you will not always get what you want like a child does. Then if you are religious, remember the several sermons you sat in on, reminding you to flee temptation. Then go on a holiday with the partner and remind yourself of all the reasons why you fell for each other.
Another thing to think about is that such affairs usually end badly and someone may end up getting hurt. Again cheating is not only physical; do not harbour any illusions. It could be emotional, and this is the really tricky one because it goes by undetected and you do not even realise that this is what it happening. Your conscience is usually a good indicator. Listen to it.
But do not forget to have friends; true friends that you can be yourself with. Male AND Female; the point is not to make yourself an island, because you are trying so hard not to cheat or sin. It is not a good idea either, to dictate to your partner how many friends they should have, or that they should never be seen in the company of the opposite sex. It just might build resentment. Control always seems to bring about rebellion and secrecy sooner or later. If they like you enough, (and I am sure they love you if they are with you) they will come back and tell you when their friend took the friendship a little too far. This is where you build trust and become even more secure in your relationship.
There will be close friends, work colleagues, and the people who form your inner social circle. They are just as important as your partner. There is always the friend who will stick closer than a brother and you will always need them.
Because honestly, it is just unfair to ask your partner to be everything! Just make sure you do not fall for the friends while you are at it. Lol…