BRIDE PRICE.

I made certain observations... May not be accurate but it is a view born out of years of keen observation. I hear and see stories everywhere. I am never short of writing material.
Does the bride price a man has to pay before marrying a woman determine the quality of life she should expect in marriage? Should it represent her value and self-worth? Will it determine how much burden she may have to shoulder in future?
Igbo people of Eastern Nigeria are famous for their exorbitant bride price. They believe the bride price should adequately reflect the years of work her parents have put into grooming her and making her the woman the husband now desires so strongly. An acquaintance was recently telling me the amount of money he was requested to pay for his fiancée; about half a million naira, George wrappers for the women in the community; yams and other items for the children of the family; certain items to be given to the age-grade...etc. He said that he eventually did what he could and told them that he couldn’t afford the rest; and if they are not in agreement, they should keep their daughter. If the bride he seeks to marry has been educated up to university, her bride price will vary considerably from the one who did not attend higher education. If she was Western-educated, her value shoots up like real estate in GRA. Where the man is able to afford it, the bride can be rest assured that she will not suffer financially in future (Unless of course his business burns down or some other freaky thing). The only problem that may arise is that the man may begin to view his bride as property, since he literally bought her and paid so much! Whatever he says, best believe it is LAW! I have heard of instances where, upon separation or divorce, the husband requests for the gifts he gave to his bride’s family back!
Hausa people, especially Muslims also have to be financially buoyant before thinking about marriage. The family background of the wife would greatly determine the amount of items that would be required of the husband. Hausa weddings are usually a 5-day affair, and include “budan-kai” (meaning unveiling of the bride), “sa lai-lai” (wearing of decorative henna), “Nikkai” and a host of other very interesting activities. A number of suitcases, sometimes up to 12, filled with Ankara material and French lace of superior quality, gold sets, trinkets and adornments must be given by the man as bride price. If it is a bourgeois background, she would prefer Saudi Gold, and the Shopping to be done in Dubai, Bahrain etc. The bride’s parents will provide furniture for her to decorate her new home with and foodstuffs to last about a year. It is believed that she should have everything she would require for her new life.
Yoruba people on the other hand (where I’m from) collect a pittance for bride price. The bride price is more symbolic than substantial. I attended a wedding of a close family friend where the bride price money (of a paltry N2000) was returned and they requested that he only “take care of their daughter”. I always found it to be a very noble gesture. They appear to be saying that “you will never really be able to pay me for all the blood, sweat and tears that have gone into making my daughter who she is now, so at least, treat her right”; or “keep the money meant for the bride price or a lavish society wedding and use it to build a happy marriage”. Not all men would take the hint. The problem with scenarios like this is that some men go on to marry ladies from a more bourgeois background than theirs, since it does not require a lot of financial resources to seek their hand in marriage. Then they end up not being able to sustain the kind of lifestyle she is used to. The fact that the lady is of better pedigree means that she may end up bearing the bulk of the financial responsibility in the home after the wedding. If she has a better paying job than the man, this could lead to laziness on the man’s part, believing his wife will handle every expense; or resentment, hating her for her ability to follow through where he falls short. He may accuse her of robbing him of his manhood, she may in turn reply that someone has to pick the bills and she might end up getting slapped for her sharp tongue and arrogance! No one is happy either way.
Can u blame other tribes who give early warning signals to the husband-to-be? Does it not make better sense if a man is aware of what he is getting into and what he would need to be able to do before stepping forward? Will he not do better research and cut his coat according to his size? Most people are happy to marry a man they love as long as he is comfortable enough to afford the basics. Most people would rather marry ambition and potential, that if nursed properly as embers can grow into a flame of wealth. Some women would rather grow and build a future with an ambitious man than marry a silver-spoon kid who always has daddy’s money to fall back on. The woman can say to the man boldly that they built this wealth together should he begin to misbehave in future. When he wants to act out, he may remember the struggle they went through and the support she provided when things were not so rosy. Silver spoon marrying silver spoon perhaps gets boring quickly. Whatever the case, I still wonder whether the bride price is an indicator of future happenings. Should it be?

Thankless Tasks.

What is it about women that makes us do things without being asked? Are we aspiring for martyrdom? My friend had this little rant which I have reproduced below.
“So something interesting happened tonight. I was talking to Bf, but I had underlying animosity, but I’m not sure where it came from. So basically, I was telling him about how I cut the phone on FB, and basically pay him no mind, and then I ask if Joy stil kals him and he said yea sometimes. And that just did my head in, because I was thinking that so here I am, being rude to FA and other toasters, not picking his calls at the expense of being seen as a bitch, but he still gets to pick the calls of these other girls!! Okay o, I am not impressed with the unfairness of the situation. To be clear, I could care less about FB, and can definitely sacrifice him over and over for Bf’s happiness; this is not the issue. So we start chatting, and I just basically become curt. what is good for the goose is good for the gander, not so?! So I was actually mad about this. He senses this, and then asks why I am being all... and I play it off . In retrospect, I know that it is because I have to do things, he doesn’t have to do, and I am mad at him for this, and the fact that I was born a woman!! Lol but I am just pissed off. Sometimes I cannot understand my feelings because I know that I love my Bf very much and I want to be nothing more than the best wife and mother; but then I begin to think about how I do not need a degree to make a pot of stew...what im saying is, I would just hate to be taken for granted or treated unfairly. Like it just makes my skin crawl and I cannot stand it. . I want to be treated with respect, I want to be treated kindly, I want to have a career to go to everyday, I want my opinions to be treated with value and respected. I need to give him a chance; and I need to put my feminist gloves down. This much I know. But not at the expense of all those ways that I want to be treated. I am worried I am going to turn out like Enitan in “Everything Good will Come”. I wonder if he knows about these feelings. I think that he suspects. What I’m saying is, can I be the woman that I want to be? Without being clothed in that word ‘submission’...
And then I found the answer to the rant. A one liner from Arit Okpo’s “Ode to womanhood.” :
Why do we insist on sacrifice, even when it is not necessary and then feel wounded when it’s not appreciated?
Jesus already died for all our sins- he is the ultimate martyr. That is enough. She was unimpressed with my response (laughter)!

Feminist Gloves.

Dear Blogworld,
i realise i have been away for a bit. my happy new year is coming late, but a happy new year it is!! too many demands but my educational journey is close to being over by God's grace.
i am not writing a story...just thought to introduce this fabulous write-up: pls click on the link and support this fabulous writer! she certainly has her Feminist gloves on and is suffering no fools gladly!
http://www.learningpartnership.org/blog/2010/02/fear-enemy-equality/

Hypocrisy...thy name is Gidi.

Much has been said about the bans on recent Nigerian songs by NBC.
Some of them are
“Maga don Pay” by Kelly Hansome,
“Suddenly” by D’banj,
“Close to you” by Mo hits
“Enter the Place” by 2face ft Sound Sultan…(for a full list, visit Linda Ikeji’s blog).

Right now, I am very worried about D’banj’s much anticipated “KOKO MANSION”…lol because from the look of things, it seems to have a flava flav feel to it and if they won’t allow these songs to air any longer, how would they cope with D’banj’s sexy self and his kokolets, come June? Lmao!
So while I understand the reason behind the ban on some of these songs, I don’t understand why 9aija refuses to focus on the REAL issues!
Have they ever heard of the internet in 9aij??? It reminds me of something I was watching on E! , when Paris Hilton finds her sex tape on the shelves of a corner store, grabs it, runs without paying and mumbles something about exposing the “children” to this! Lol poor Paris…there were a million other copies circulating shops in Yankee…how is stealing one going to help anything? Ok I digress…
My point is Nigeria has a knack for picking on little things, when there are much bigger issues to be dealt with in the country.
Which is why I was so pissed to find out that 9aija policemen were harassing women, claiming they were indecently exposed because of a comment Gov Fashola of Lagos made about scantily clad women. There’s a vid on Youtube where Funmi Iyanda talks about this, with other like-minded women. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mn2tMDLNtcI&feature=PlayList&p=C7A0DAE557610BEB&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=15
Then there was the Big Brother issue too, when them house of assembly guys were trying to stop DSTV from airing Shower time on BB.

As in, seriously! A look at the headlines of major Nigerian newspapers goes to show that the government has enough to think about without worrying about women going around naked or kids getting influenced negatively…leave that one to their parents to worry about. There’s the Ekiti re-run Polls violence, World Bank is predicting that Nigeria will account for 18 of the 90 million Africans that will sink below the poverty line in 2009 and labour took to the streets of Lagos today, to protest deregulation.

Another oddity about 9aij is the fact that whilst 9aij is a very “religious country”, morally, it is quite bankrupt and it is these same leaders who ban this and ban that are the ones sexually exploiting and spending lavishly on young girls old enough to be their daughters (the aristo sturvs.)

Which is why I conclude with … “hypocrisy, thy name is Gidi!!”