BRIDE PRICE.

I made certain observations... May not be accurate but it is a view born out of years of keen observation. I hear and see stories everywhere. I am never short of writing material.
Does the bride price a man has to pay before marrying a woman determine the quality of life she should expect in marriage? Should it represent her value and self-worth? Will it determine how much burden she may have to shoulder in future?
Igbo people of Eastern Nigeria are famous for their exorbitant bride price. They believe the bride price should adequately reflect the years of work her parents have put into grooming her and making her the woman the husband now desires so strongly. An acquaintance was recently telling me the amount of money he was requested to pay for his fiancée; about half a million naira, George wrappers for the women in the community; yams and other items for the children of the family; certain items to be given to the age-grade...etc. He said that he eventually did what he could and told them that he couldn’t afford the rest; and if they are not in agreement, they should keep their daughter. If the bride he seeks to marry has been educated up to university, her bride price will vary considerably from the one who did not attend higher education. If she was Western-educated, her value shoots up like real estate in GRA. Where the man is able to afford it, the bride can be rest assured that she will not suffer financially in future (Unless of course his business burns down or some other freaky thing). The only problem that may arise is that the man may begin to view his bride as property, since he literally bought her and paid so much! Whatever he says, best believe it is LAW! I have heard of instances where, upon separation or divorce, the husband requests for the gifts he gave to his bride’s family back!
Hausa people, especially Muslims also have to be financially buoyant before thinking about marriage. The family background of the wife would greatly determine the amount of items that would be required of the husband. Hausa weddings are usually a 5-day affair, and include “budan-kai” (meaning unveiling of the bride), “sa lai-lai” (wearing of decorative henna), “Nikkai” and a host of other very interesting activities. A number of suitcases, sometimes up to 12, filled with Ankara material and French lace of superior quality, gold sets, trinkets and adornments must be given by the man as bride price. If it is a bourgeois background, she would prefer Saudi Gold, and the Shopping to be done in Dubai, Bahrain etc. The bride’s parents will provide furniture for her to decorate her new home with and foodstuffs to last about a year. It is believed that she should have everything she would require for her new life.
Yoruba people on the other hand (where I’m from) collect a pittance for bride price. The bride price is more symbolic than substantial. I attended a wedding of a close family friend where the bride price money (of a paltry N2000) was returned and they requested that he only “take care of their daughter”. I always found it to be a very noble gesture. They appear to be saying that “you will never really be able to pay me for all the blood, sweat and tears that have gone into making my daughter who she is now, so at least, treat her right”; or “keep the money meant for the bride price or a lavish society wedding and use it to build a happy marriage”. Not all men would take the hint. The problem with scenarios like this is that some men go on to marry ladies from a more bourgeois background than theirs, since it does not require a lot of financial resources to seek their hand in marriage. Then they end up not being able to sustain the kind of lifestyle she is used to. The fact that the lady is of better pedigree means that she may end up bearing the bulk of the financial responsibility in the home after the wedding. If she has a better paying job than the man, this could lead to laziness on the man’s part, believing his wife will handle every expense; or resentment, hating her for her ability to follow through where he falls short. He may accuse her of robbing him of his manhood, she may in turn reply that someone has to pick the bills and she might end up getting slapped for her sharp tongue and arrogance! No one is happy either way.
Can u blame other tribes who give early warning signals to the husband-to-be? Does it not make better sense if a man is aware of what he is getting into and what he would need to be able to do before stepping forward? Will he not do better research and cut his coat according to his size? Most people are happy to marry a man they love as long as he is comfortable enough to afford the basics. Most people would rather marry ambition and potential, that if nursed properly as embers can grow into a flame of wealth. Some women would rather grow and build a future with an ambitious man than marry a silver-spoon kid who always has daddy’s money to fall back on. The woman can say to the man boldly that they built this wealth together should he begin to misbehave in future. When he wants to act out, he may remember the struggle they went through and the support she provided when things were not so rosy. Silver spoon marrying silver spoon perhaps gets boring quickly. Whatever the case, I still wonder whether the bride price is an indicator of future happenings. Should it be?