I am having a really hard time. Even getting my thoughts on paper is difficult. Normally I tend to dissociate myself from my writing and try to sound as balanced as possible…if I’ve learnt nothing else in law school, I’ve learnt that clarity of thought is key. Argue both sides…
This one time, I have to write from my gut because i cannot tell it any other way.
I had a very interesting conversation with a few men, ranging from the men in my family to some professionals; medical doctors and lawyers to be precise; and the recurring theme was African men, monogamy and a woman’s role in the Nigerian society. the over-riding emotion was fear and a sense of hopelessness;
First of all, I was being told that if I did not exhibit womanly traits like wanting to cook, clean, fuss over and take care of able-bodied men, I had a fundamental flaw as a woman that spelled doom for my future. No man would touch me with a long pole. lol
Then, there was the other side, a bunch of married men, offering a sort of more exciting future as a mistress. They went on to tell me that, as a mistress one is only there for the fun times and to show the man a good time; the wife is there to perform all the other harder duties of bearing and rearing children, cooking and cleaning until she is blue in the face. The other plus was that there would be no baby- making, or inlaw- related wahala involved; you get to keep your figure!The funny part was the man’s averment that African men were never born monogamous and that the whole idea was a Western creation.
My problem was that none of them sounded like a choice- a woman still remained an accessory.
And this is what I have a problem with. what happens when you cannot fit into any of these moulds?
This one time, I have to write from my gut because i cannot tell it any other way.
I had a very interesting conversation with a few men, ranging from the men in my family to some professionals; medical doctors and lawyers to be precise; and the recurring theme was African men, monogamy and a woman’s role in the Nigerian society. the over-riding emotion was fear and a sense of hopelessness;
First of all, I was being told that if I did not exhibit womanly traits like wanting to cook, clean, fuss over and take care of able-bodied men, I had a fundamental flaw as a woman that spelled doom for my future. No man would touch me with a long pole. lol
Then, there was the other side, a bunch of married men, offering a sort of more exciting future as a mistress. They went on to tell me that, as a mistress one is only there for the fun times and to show the man a good time; the wife is there to perform all the other harder duties of bearing and rearing children, cooking and cleaning until she is blue in the face. The other plus was that there would be no baby- making, or inlaw- related wahala involved; you get to keep your figure!The funny part was the man’s averment that African men were never born monogamous and that the whole idea was a Western creation.
My problem was that none of them sounded like a choice- a woman still remained an accessory.
And this is what I have a problem with. what happens when you cannot fit into any of these moulds?
No comments:
Post a Comment