Guilty...until proven Innocent.

The words of John Legend’s “Number One” float into my head… “you can’t sayyy I don’t love u just because I cheat on you” and then Kanye’s sickkk rap to it where he goes “but my heart don’t got nothing to do with my penis, it got a mind of its own…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqB1OL7XQ4M

Lol…I actually really like this song, I think its catchy…forget the bitter pill its trying to make us women swallow! a bad thing is a bad thing, it has no other name!

On the reals tho, when you enter into a relationship, what sort of mind-set have you got? Do you enter it fully expecting to be cheated on at some point?

How about my Long- distance people…do you expect boyfi/ gurlfi to cheat on you at some point because after all, body no be fire wood? How about the day he just reeli needs a good fuck and wifey’s p**** is too far away?

Or for the women, its that time of the month, you’re ovulating and the fuck feeling comes to you in waves…how do you keep your legs tightly crossed and stop that pussy juice flowing all the way to fuck buddy’s d***?

How do you approach your relationship with better-half? With suspicion? Asking all typsa questions that’s guaranteed to drive anyone outta their flippin minds? Do you trust wholeheartedly; because you know you are with a good person, because trust is the foundation of a relationship and if you don’t trust him/her to behave, then you might as well call it quits? Does this kind of trust border on naiveté ? Are you really stupid if you think it’s not too much to ask that better-half be faithful?

What really is the difference between trust and naiveté ?

Is it really true that an erect penis has no conscience? A wet vagina nko? Lol @ Tairebabs for dis one! http://www.tairebabs.org/

Do you look @ relationships around you and decide what to expect from yours? I still think or rather I know a few guys/ girls who are actually really faithful…so it’s not as if this is an impossible task…(again, Jill Scott’s “Celibacy Blues” pops into my head)...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D7RzeqU9eY

Do you think its more practical to come to an agreement with better half, that when you’re “away”, he can have a few indiscretions which you will be willing to overlook as long as he protects himself (and you!) from STI’s?

Or do you think that is just his license to spread his wings n flyyy? I don’t know how far this is true, but I hear women are better at self-control than men? Hmm…story for another day m8!

Is it innocent until proven guilty, or guilty until proven innocent for you guys? More importantly, should it be?

My mother said something and it may be applicable in this context: “if you want to know how well one can handle responsibility, give him something to be responsible for first.” As in, how else can you teach someone certain values without entrusting them with something (your heart) in the first place? How do you know someone isn’t good at something without first giving them the chance to try?

Don’t look @ me oh! I equally have no ready-made answers to all the issues I throw at you guys…

Let’s talk.

Foreign Vs Home-grown...

I came across this funny cartoon (Translation: kids basically wanting what isn’t readily available) and after the laughter faded, several things came to mind...Let me put this into context. I am referring to Las Gidi babes, 9aija babes, Aristo babes, wuteva d heck they’re called now! I am talking about how we (18-29 age group) are chasing our Nigerian men away with our materialism, how we make criminals of them to suit our lavish lifestyles.

I had been thinking about this for awhile now, hearing my brothers/ guy friends talking about not being able to date 9aija girls again because they can’t keep up with their “long-throat”. And my friends/ family pple are faaaaar from church rats…so this was saying something. Younger guys don’t even bother any more, they’ve left it to the older men with more money. I mean, how can they compete? (4get d silver spoon kiddos for a hot minute)

Then I came across this article on Sturvs about Jim Iyke being in a relationship with a woman he’s very happy with and with whom he may be walking down the aisle with in fact! Surprise surprise, she’s Jamaican…I read on to find out what she had that all the 9aija women he dated couldn’t offer him…and I have to admit, I couldn’t even fault his logic man! He said this woman fell in love with his mind, with him as a person, not the actor or play-boy persona we all see, he said he didn’t have to continually prove his worth to her or convince her to shun society’s remarks of his personality, how it didn’t take as long to convince her that the “female” he was reportedly flirting with is actually just a platonic friend…nothing more, how 9aija women focus more on pedigree, social background, wealth etc than the actual person. Closer to home, my brother is now dating a Ghanaian chick and is very happy.

When I was in 9aija last summer, and several guys chatted me up (being the hot sturvs dat I am, lol!), I noticed a pattern with all of them…they always started with what they could offer me… “Baby, what is it you want? Is it Dubai? Let’s go der!, let me take care of you, mo lenu pa! ma na’wo si e lorun! (Translation: I’m well known, I get mouth, I’ll spend lavishly on you.) lmao! While it was very funny/ endearing, it made me worry. Why did they feel the need to offer me luxuries first? Am I now incapable of falling in love with their person without being offered money first? Ah ah, I felt like a prostitute oh…had to be bought over shaa! Is it a lack of confidence on their part or the act they feel that they have to put up?

But I worry oh…I really worry! Even the songs coming outta 9aij, Eldee’s Bosi bangba, d’banj, its all them tryna let you know how much they have, which is the reason why women follow them in droves. Don’t get me wrong oh, I absolutely heart luxuries, I am a shopaholic and I will not complain if you reeeeli wana spend! i know money makes the world go round but I have a problem with those who can’t afford it and try so hard to "feel among", I worry about love going extinct and social class/ wealth taking its place, I worry about hard-working men who get their love thrown back in their face because they can’t afford a Hermes Birkin.

Very soon, all the eligible men will cross borders to find wifey, den una go sidon look wondering where the hell they all went to. We have to be willing to grow with a man, so that when he does rise to the top (in a legit way), you can both enjoy the spoils together. And he will rise to the top, IF he has your love and support.

I blame the mothers, the caregivers, I blame the state of the nation, poverty and all those things that made the Nigerian female the gold-digging pro she is now.

“Those who insult our generation forget who raised it.”

PS: Biko, i beg the pardon of whoever this cartoon originally belongs to. all copyrights ish duly observed!

Love-sick Puppy.

What do you do when another woman is in love/obsessed with your man?

Do you call the little heifer and give her a talking to, or just act cool, calm and collected, like it doesn’t bother you one bit?

Supposedly, the man in this situation is helpless because he is trying not to offend sensibilities, keeping gurlfi happy whilst giving the LSP a gentle let-down.

Ok what happens when LSP just won’t quit? Calling all the damn time, crying n begging your man to consider and put himself in her shoes?

From a woman’s perspective, I can tell you that it is extremely annoying to sit and watch such a scene unfold. Because, being a chick, you know she’s using every trick in the book to get your boyfi to come round, break down his resolve and give-in. and when a woman wants something really bad, we know how to scheme don’t we? They don’t call it feminine wiles for nothing.

This is possible even when boyfi has no feelings whatsoeva for LSP…I’ve heard of house girls overthrowing the madam of the house oh! Maybe through jazz or by using waist power (calabar gal style!) …ok I digress.

For real tho, what do you do when it becomes so persistent that it begins to bother u a little too much?

You can tell boyfi not to pick her calls anymore, to loose her number, or you can simply trust who you are with not to stoop so low. Someone once said about trust that “don’t set your husband up on a pedestal and then cry when you find that he is only an ordinary man, after all”. So I’m saying it really is about getting the balance right, I think, because dictating to him may just annoy him and build the feeling of resentment…no one wants to live with boss-lady who tells you what to say and wear, but at the same time, you need to be able to show boyfi the threat that LSP represents. He’s not stupid, and you really don’t have to go on about it before he figures…again to the last comment, this wise person said “ don’t nag your husband; if he won’t carry out your wishes for love of you, he certainly won’t because you nag him”.

Again, acting like it doesn’t bother you when it does, is certainly not the answer. You should be able to tell boyfi exactly how u feel at any point in time, and if he is a good one, he should calm your irrational fears and make you feel more secure. Flirting with other guys just to "show" boyfi again is not the answer. It really will just exacerbate the problem .
But the issue is not with the particular babe, it is what they represent isn’t it? Any attractive person will tell you that a ring never stopped anyone from hitting on them or declaring their undying love. It boils down to boyfi having an effective “defence mechanism”, to be able to get rid of unwanted attention, to be able to make sure outside distractions don’t affect what he has with wifey. Because if it isn’t Bisi today, it will be Aisha tomorrow. I don’t think attacking the individual is the way round it, (so pulling all the tracks outta LSP’s hair and scratching her eyes out, no matter how GOOD it’ll feel…lmao!) does nothing for your rep….there’s a reason that u r wifey, isn’t there? You are the CLASSY one. Trust boyfi enough to handle it.

Don’t take my word for it tho, tell me, what would you do?

Pack Mentality...

From a guy’s perspective, I have always wondered what happens when one of your guy-friends is all loved-up…
What happens when the guys go out partying, drinking or just out to have a little bit of fun?
I’ve heard/ read that there’s always the notorious guy-friend who makes the “faithful/ loved-up one” try to POP or just behave badly.
I also heard that guys have a sort of “pack mentality” (like dogs/ wolves etc)… meaning that if one of the pack members is behaving so out-of-character (in our context, in love), there is a tendency to want to make him conform or just shake the silly-ness of the emotion out of him!
All this may be true…it certainly applies to girls as well.
Various reasons may make a “concerned friend” want to react. You may have been hurt by an ex-lover and don’t want to see brother-man go down the same route. You may be thinking now is the time for this son-of-a-gun to be having the time of his life, not getting his love on lock-down! You could be missing his company because sister-girl has come into his life, taking up all of his damn time! No time to play pro-evo/ mack on random chicks et al…lol I’m thinking this is the main reason…you miss him!(oh pls admit it, ain’t nothing gay about that shit- its called bromance, I hear).
Definitely, you still want to have fun…relationships don’t have to spell the end of your social life. I certainly would hate for that to happen.
From person-in-a-relationship’s point of view, I think it still boils down to who you are as an individual. You are grown, you know right from wrong, wifey/ boyfi does not have to stalk or blow your phone up before you know how to behave…
Hopefully, you are crazy about who you are with to not want to intentionally hurt them. You know you got a good thing…
If you think about the person and smile, then for the love of God, do everything in your power to keep yourself (and better-half too!) smiling.

Or better still, in the words of my fellow blogger, “Don’t fuck up: don’t disrespect the missus”! http://www.singleblackmale.net/
Lol …enough said eh?

PS: if you do everything in your power to respect and keep better-half secure, and they still act all paranoid, insisting on being everywhere with you, by all means, suggest therapy…I smell bigger trust issues.

NOTHING.

People have different ways they view life, different approaches to the way the same object is viewed…I see a mountain, you see a mole-hill.
Some people think that when things are going too smoothly in your life, it means something bad is about to happen and you shouldn’t be getting too comfortable.
Some people think that infact you should live life expecting the worst, so that if or when the worst does happen, you were well prepared and you were…you know… expecting it!
So you are never caught unawares…nothing is too smooth to slip past your ever-anxious mind…hell, you’ve thought up everything in the book of “life’s fuck-ups” that infact fate would have a hard time beating you at its own game. Mind on weed…lol

Okay, so while this may work for you in some things…say business, because then it just means you are uber- savvy and no one can cheat you…how about the more important things? You know…affairs of the heart.
I have heard people say too many times that when you have a good man, enjoy it while it lasts….because all good things come to an end. They go on to tell me to never trust a man because he will either cheat, get bored and move on, or simply stay and make life a living hell…because he’s too selfish to let go and too proud to admit he’s failed at something.
Sometimes I listen…I digest…I understand…I internalise…and regurgitate! Because my mind has just refused to accept that I cannot have it all and be blissfully happy! Call me a hopeless optimist. But I think that if you live expecting the very worst, then you attract the very worst…Negative re-enforcement…if you think it long enough, your actions will make it happen. And when you are in this bad place mentally, it is impossible to enjoy the present goodness.
While life will throw u a curve every now and then, you cannot dodge the arrow before it has been thrown…can you perpetually be in duck mode…sqatting…dodging? Perhaps, nine chances out of ten, you will be able to handle it, and the problem may never really erupt from where you think it will.
So…the next time you look at the love of your life and scrutinize, looking for the expiry date on your love affair, or flaws, accept the thought that in fact, there is nothing wrong...nothing to be found…no shady past…NOTHING.

Muse..

Here’s one of Alicia Key’s “Spoken word” poetry that never fails to inspire me…

“STREETS OF NEW YORK”
Here I am…
Here we are…As it will go on forever
Noise…always noise
Candles burn, Lights are low, I have no place to go
Life in its constant state of moving nowhere,
The music is nice,
Floats through the air,
Sounds of waves crashing everywhere,
The cursive submissions, mind conditions… riding with a left hand, unknowing and taking the chance,
Why not fly?
Why not try?
This constant game I play to stay high…but all is just a state of mind,
All is reality of your choice,
Constant Evolution, Constant Adaptation, Constant State of moving no where.
Footsteps…silence is loud…kindness is brave…wisdom is long…loving is necessary! I need it… we need it,
Searching…looking for satisfaction, It is nowhere, it is everywhere, pleading, pleading, praying for God to come,
What are we waiting for?
Why are we so afraid of taking charge?
But its always changing…always…in the constant state of going nowhere
We all have demons to battle,
Roads to walk,
Crosses to bear,
Mistakes and sins,
Candles and their steady glow,
Water and its constant crash, endless horizon…rocks of times long gone, still strong still here and so are we,
Here we are, forever
The constant state of going nowhere…the constant state of going nowhere...con- con stant state of moving nowhere…its like a jungle…its like a jungle out here….
(she breaks into song)


I hope it speaks to you too in some way…

Hypocrisy...thy name is Gidi.

Much has been said about the bans on recent Nigerian songs by NBC.
Some of them are
“Maga don Pay” by Kelly Hansome,
“Suddenly” by D’banj,
“Close to you” by Mo hits
“Enter the Place” by 2face ft Sound Sultan…(for a full list, visit Linda Ikeji’s blog).

Right now, I am very worried about D’banj’s much anticipated “KOKO MANSION”…lol because from the look of things, it seems to have a flava flav feel to it and if they won’t allow these songs to air any longer, how would they cope with D’banj’s sexy self and his kokolets, come June? Lmao!
So while I understand the reason behind the ban on some of these songs, I don’t understand why 9aija refuses to focus on the REAL issues!
Have they ever heard of the internet in 9aij??? It reminds me of something I was watching on E! , when Paris Hilton finds her sex tape on the shelves of a corner store, grabs it, runs without paying and mumbles something about exposing the “children” to this! Lol poor Paris…there were a million other copies circulating shops in Yankee…how is stealing one going to help anything? Ok I digress…
My point is Nigeria has a knack for picking on little things, when there are much bigger issues to be dealt with in the country.
Which is why I was so pissed to find out that 9aija policemen were harassing women, claiming they were indecently exposed because of a comment Gov Fashola of Lagos made about scantily clad women. There’s a vid on Youtube where Funmi Iyanda talks about this, with other like-minded women. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mn2tMDLNtcI&feature=PlayList&p=C7A0DAE557610BEB&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=15
Then there was the Big Brother issue too, when them house of assembly guys were trying to stop DSTV from airing Shower time on BB.

As in, seriously! A look at the headlines of major Nigerian newspapers goes to show that the government has enough to think about without worrying about women going around naked or kids getting influenced negatively…leave that one to their parents to worry about. There’s the Ekiti re-run Polls violence, World Bank is predicting that Nigeria will account for 18 of the 90 million Africans that will sink below the poverty line in 2009 and labour took to the streets of Lagos today, to protest deregulation.

Another oddity about 9aij is the fact that whilst 9aij is a very “religious country”, morally, it is quite bankrupt and it is these same leaders who ban this and ban that are the ones sexually exploiting and spending lavishly on young girls old enough to be their daughters (the aristo sturvs.)

Which is why I conclude with … “hypocrisy, thy name is Gidi!!”

Run Down!

So I was talking to an older friend the other day…and this is what she lamented about…
My friend is in her late 20’s and is married with a kid. At the start of her relationship, her husband was fun to be around, the life of the party and totally into her. You know, the calling all the damn time, wining-and-dining that comes with the honey-moon stage of every relationship. He had his shades on all the time, with “Gongo Aso” everly blaring from the speakers of his Cayenne. To use Banky W’s words… “face of a fine boy, so much Swagga”!

Lately, she said he’s become emotionally abusive and has nothing nice to say to her. Whenever she dresses up, he runs her outfit down, saying stuff lyk
“see how this outfit is showing all the contours of your body…don’t you see how Abuja babes are dressing ni?” or “ gbogbo oju e loti baje yen (meaning ur face is all messed up now- referring to her spots I assume.)
Incase you are wondering, my friend is actually very pretty…tall, fair-skinned, nice boobs…d whole works u know…but no one is without their imperfections.
When its time to wind down in the evening and they are conversating about the events of the day and my friend is giving him gist about, say a friend of hers who’s experiencing marital problems, he flares up saying she’s just a nasty gossip & that is the sort of thing that always comes out of her mouth…
Then, thinking he’s one of those types that are averse to female gossip, she changes the topic of the convo to herself, asking him for advice, say about her career progression…this guy just tells her to do what she thinks is best. He never has any good advice to give and scarcely has deep moments…she says she never talks to him these days cos she does not know what may anger him. She just listens to him talk…
Trying to be objective, I say maybe he thinks you are better suited to decide your life ambitions yourself...but she tells me about how he constantly receives calls from female “colleagues” listening attentively to their problems, and throwing in words of wisdom every now and then….So its as not as if hubby is a bad listener or doesn’t know what to do/say.
When she finally went ahead and took up a Senior Position at work, he accused her of taking decisions without asking his opinion or thinking selfishly about her self as opposed to the best interests of the family.
She was like, “ but I asked you and you said to do what i felt was best.?!”
He replies with “Na wa oh”!

Worse still, he gets so paranoid when she receives calls from other male friends of hers...
The other day, a male colleague of hers was calling her at nite. But she was worried about picking the phone because hubby gets into a serious hissy fit when the dude calls, accusing her of having an affair/ something on the side with this guy-friend.
(You see, my friend and the guy-friend are both doctors and used to work in National Hospital together before the friend travelled to Jand for his Residency. )
Guy-friend kept calling frantically from Jand…lyk over 10 times, and this was late in the evening. Not wanting to start a fight with her hubby, she ignored the call and switched her phone off.
The next day she called him, wanting to find out what was so damn urgent last night.
Only for Guy-friend to accuse her of being a very bad friend, that she’s not there for others in time of need. Apparently, guy-friend’s young relation was visiting 9aija from JD and was staying over at their crib in Wuse. She came with other friends of hers for her mate’s wedding. So the night before she was scheduled to go back to JD, she went with her friends to some suya spot, you know…wanting to get her fill of 9aija barbecue before it was time to go back. His mum was’nt really feeling it, telling them to stay home…that its not safe at night for young girls and she’s got an early flight to catch. She even called the babe’s mumc, telling her that your daughter wants to be roaming the streets oh in search of suya at this ungodly hour…(you know how 9aija mumcs get sick with worry)
The babe sha went with her friends down the road for her suya…only for them to return with the other friend carrying her on the back. Apparently, after tasting the suya, she began gasping for breath really badly and she couldn’t walk…turns out babe is asthmatic and allergic to groundnuts, pepper n ish. Guy-friend’s mumc now called him shrieking on the fone that
“ko ma mi mo” (she’s not breathing!).
Obviously unable to do anything from where he was at, he was calling my friend so she could rush down to give CPR or some other emergency procedure before they get to the clinic…
My friend lives not too far from their base in Wuse.
To cut a long story short, the babe died within 10 mins of all this madness and by the time they got to the hospital, nothing could be done but to pronounce her dead.
You can imagine how bad my friend felt about this…

Only for her hubby to start making comments the next morning about how she’s not “pure”, she’s a very sly person…that he wonders which man-friend was calling her last night that she couldn’t pick up….blah blah blah

She couldn’t tell him anything about the events of the night before, worried that he would disapprove of her maintaining contact with her guy-friend. In short, hubby has put the fear of God in her oh.
And now almost 6 weeks after, guy-friend is still not talking to her.

So my question is…what is it about distrusting and running your partner down that appeals to certain men?

MYSTIQUE

Here's a short story i wrote a while ago for a creative writing course...



She gets up with a start, looking out of the window. Oh dear! She wails. She was going to hate this. Realising how late she was running, she skipped the shower, and hurriedly dressed up.
Rounding the corner, she smoothes her hands down her skirt, wiping perspiration off and trying to keep the wind from blowing it up at the same time. In her hurry, she bumps into him. She is mortified because she realises that she looks like a mess. He sees her and walks on rather rudely, not bothering to apologise. She curses him under her breath, realising she’s too much in a hurry to stop and hurl insults.
Finally she gets inside, looking around at the oriental-looking restaurant. She smells something and becomes physically sick. Before she can run to the loo, she vomits at the feet of the man standing nearby. Looking up to apologise, she realises it is him. Yet again.
This time she asks for a name. He tells her. She knew he looked vaguely familiar. He was the donor and the reason she was feeling so out of character. She knew the very moment she got up, that she was not going to enjoy this meet. The events of the evening further confirmed it. Not knowing what to do or say, she looked down at her regurgitated lunch. Silence….
That was what brought them together.…

I prefer to go by my alias, Mystique, due to the delicate nature of my job. I am tall and dark skinned, with little brown freckles covering my high cheekbones. I have auburn coloured hair, full pink lips and a dimple. I am 19 years old and I am a surrogate mum. I have been for the past 4 years of my life. It has brought me more money than any day job ever would. I am meeting the father of the child in my womb for the first time. Nothing quite prepared me for the meeting that day. I did not realise he was so good-looking. Their child is going to be a beautiful one. He opens his mouth to speak and I am sucked right in… “Wow,” he exclaims, “I did not realise you would be so young”. I reply, “I realise that, but you know what they say, the fresher the egg…”. I say this all the while, trying to wipe my vomit off his brand new collezione shoes. He calls for a waiter to clear the mess up, while we both get seated. I get the feeling that he is nervous, though I cannot imagine why. He tells me his wife would have been here today but for her fibroid operation which did not go too well. At this point, I begin to wonder how I am supposed to go for the ante-natal with a man, who obviously has no clue. “So”, I say, “let me save you the embarrassment of looking totally clueless . You can give me the upkeep money and I would be fine on my own. My regards to your wife when you get home.” He replies, “You don’t understand, she died this morning.”
Dear God, I sigh. A million thoughts run through my mind at once. “What am I supposed to do with the baby now?” I blurt out. “I was hoping to be able to keep it because it’s the only connection that remains between me and my dead wife”. Realising how selfish I sounded, I backtracked a bit, apologised and just let him speak. “Apparently, something went wrong with the surgery and she started to bleed internally. She died in my arms before the ambulance could get there. She made me promise to meet up with you and follow through with the plans. She really wanted to care for a child.”
The logical part of my brain kicked in once again. “I am really sorry for your loss Mr, but you do realise this is business for me. All I do is carry the baby to term, hand over to the new parents and collect my cash. I am not responsible for whatever happens after that. I am afraid I cannot help you care for a child. It would mess my schedule up.” To this he replies, “Oh I am not expecting you to. I would hire a live-in nanny to deal with the parts I cannot handle. All I need from you is to move into our house till the baby is born. Rosie was really specific about the whole thing. She wanted a water birth because it is apparently less painful and she wanted you on a strict vegetarian diet, you know, for the health of the child.” I am flabbergasted. Do these people realise I have a life that does not involve that baby? I reply, “Listen Mr, I am not sure that is a very good idea. You can come and check on me as often as you like but I cannot leave my place for the next eight months. In the terms of the contract, I let it be known that I am a healthy eater, though not vegan. I can call my lawyer if you like.” He says, “I am really sorry to upset you, I just thought we could reach a compromise that would keep us both happy.” I begin to feel like a heel now and volunteer to let him come by my place, see how I live and all that, just to put his mind at rest. I finish up my green tea and we leave the restaurant.
A few hours later, he is sitting comfortably on my sofa while I fish for a feel-good DVD to cheer him up. I find “the notebook” and put that in. Turns out it was a bad choice, because he begins to sob uncontrollably in the middle of the movie. He begins to tell me that his wife was his first love and the movie only evoked those memories.I get him tissues and hold him for awhile but he is still grieving. I am at my wits end now because I am expecting my first client in another 30 mins. You see, I am an escort, as well as a surrogate mother and it is bad for my business for him to remain in my flat. This is the major reason why I cannot leave my residence to stay at his house. I am hoping to be able to get enough money before my bump becomes obvious and I have to stop for awhile. A pity fuck is the only thing that will get him out of my place in good time, and possibly ease the grief. So I unzip his jeans, pull him on top of me and guide him into my wetness. At first he resists, mumbling a few words under his breath. He looks into my face rather blankly and then gives into the feeling. I am thinking that if a movie won’t cheer him up, perhaps sex will…


what do you think?

See wut im working with!

Someone once wrote "while writing fiction, one can wish for reality"...

Being my first blog post, i wanted to fill pple in on wut to expect from me...

Bcos human nature fascinates me so much, i will talk about relationships....they are the one thing you can't predict.
But Bcos Nigerian relationships are the ones i have the most experience on, this is what i'll do.
i will tell stories, i will throw questions out there, ask for your thoughts on issues...


let me tell a little story about a young woman i will call Devota.
So Devota is a lawyer, married to this business man. He came in from England and they hooked up. She was in the Unilag at the time when they started dating. Before long, she was pregnant and they held the traditional wedding ceremony.
they guy seemed to be a baller; they were living in a rented house of about N2mil, she had just returned from birthing her beautiful daughter in Yankee, she just graduated from law school...life was good.

Then Hubby told her not to practise, being a new mother; that she should join him in business instead. he had a rentals business...knowing lagos, parties never stop, so business was good.
then she had a second daughter....at this point, hubby wus geting impatient, really wanting a son now. then she got preggers for her 3rd baby, but when the scan showed it was a girl, she aborted it, waiting on this son. again, she got preggers, using all the tips and old wives tales on getting a male child.
But nope, she had another girl. hubby wus so pissed he said, "what am i going to do with an unemployed wife and 3 daughters"?
i think at this point, he began to listen to friends and bowed to family pressure so he started to take his frustration out on Devota. He did not even attend the naming ceremony of his new little girl, saying he had business to attend to overseas.
at this point, Devota started looking for a job bcos his stay abroad wus getting extended. but the law firms were not keen on taking a lawyer with no prior experience.it got so bad she had to begin borrowing money from friends.
She keeps asking how she got herself into this quagmire in the first place...

what i still find difficult to comprehend is the reality that some Nigerian men despite impeccable education and a good deal of refinement, still insist on this "male child" issue.
what ever happened to placing value on the girl-child?

do you think this is a reality that will never really go away? how can women like Devota avoid getting into such situations?

Bear in mind that this phenomenon is no respecter of tribes...it cuts across all cultures...from ibos to yoruba pple.